We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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