You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
