Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
