Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
