The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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