yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
