I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She said her name was "party"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
