My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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