Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
