we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
