I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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