On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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