I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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