i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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