so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
