All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
