May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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