I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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