They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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