Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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