You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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