My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
its liver damage thursday
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
