can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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