You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
