you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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