If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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