he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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