Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
