Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
