My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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