You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
