Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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