You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
