from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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