I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
