The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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