i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
