u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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