I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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