I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
