you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
