You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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