What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
