is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
