"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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