I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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