My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We are two peas in an std pod
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
