the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
