The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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