Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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