every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
