SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
